Murder Wurder

     So... September, right? The month when the dreams of children everywhere are supposedly crushed by the debut and/or the return of school. Oh, school, how I dread thee.

 

    But that's not what I wanted to talk about! I'd reckon it's time we talk about one of the most intriguing, and dare I say, lethal of subjects. That being, of course, weaponry. Yes, there's nothing quite like caving into someone's head with a mace or hacking and tearing limb to limb with a hatchet. As humanity has shown us time and time again, we are alarmingly adept at killing things. This species as a whole seems to thrive on violence. Against itself, against those around it, against nature, against common sense and decency, you name it.

    Of course, this wouldn't be a talk about weaponry if I didn't toss in a bit of history. Let's start at the veeeeery beginning, and besides your second cousin, Ooga-Bung murdering his rival by bashing him with a rock over and over, we'll find torches and spears. Spears especially, have played a significant role in our conquest. And, well, how could it not? It's best described as a pointy stick. You poke things with it. Pretty simple. Chuck it into a boar, you get meat for a week. Or not, that meat will spoil. Oh well... But we're not cavemen, sticks and stones won't break our bones! Okay, they will, but we've got something that'll break 'em faster. May I give you, metals! We're hopping over to the medieval era right now, to find that we've got ourselves a whole host of ways to mess up someone's life! Swords, battle axes, battle hammers, maces, morning-stars, whips, bows, etcetera ad infinitum. But oh, this medieval era, it is cursed. Besides all the witch hunts, lack of sanitation, and blatant elitism, one would be shocked to find that these middle age knights and what-not are hiding behind walls and armor! My goodness, the treachery! How could someone just try to protect themselves against a blade? I'm pretty sure that level of self-defense is illegal! All you're supposed to do is run around in circles or carry a blade of your own! This will not stand! Let's go to China, and invent a potion of immortality! Fight fire with fire!... whoops. So, as it turns out, what we created wasn't a potion of immortality. Nope. Instead, we've just ended up creating gunpowder. It didn't take long (and some European eggheads) to misuse this new invention. Instead of using it to light and propel their rockets, as they were originally used, they've started using this magic powder to propel small metal balls at the enemy, penetrating armor and potentially killing instantly! That's right, guns followed shortly after gunpowder, and cannons played second fiddle as well. Artillery was no longer considered hurling a 20kg boulder above the walls of a citadel, no. Instead, it was launching a 20kg cannonball into the walls of a citadel. There's a funny period in history where petards were a thing. Basically a precursor to today's shaped explosive charges, meant to penetrate reinforced doors and such, petards were bowls filled with gunpowder that you would attach to a gate and then run away as your co-petardier lit the notoriously short fuse and risked getting killed by the blast! It was effective, though. Explosives deliver far more bang per gram compared to something less inclined to, erm... spontaneously combust. Oh, but what am I talking about here? Let's just keep it simple. Guns were used extensively ever since their invention as a simple and mostly accurate way of dispatching foes at a range, and major milestones include creating single-action guns, then semi-auto, then full-auto, then...

    Oh, my god, they're using lasers to take down stealth fighter planes.

 

 So... yeah! That's where we stand now! Rifles and pistols are a common sight, and anyone who brings a knife to a gunfight is a madman. What about it? Well, would you rather use an itty bitty bit of stainless steel to repeatedly stab someone, then you gotta be careful not to let any blood spill on your clothes, it's all too much effort! Nah, you'd much rather just wave this magical wand in the general direction of someone and yell "Headicus Explodicus!", and let the gun do the rest.

But eh, that's just my two cents. This is everything I've got to say on weaponry. Damn, we lost a lot of the fun the medieval era had with all the different types of swords out there. But oh well, I'm sure this era of guns won't last too long... right?

Discord link, as promised:

Click me, click me!

 

Anyways, that'll be all! Bwah!

~Asph