Whatever Floats your Post

Boating! Boating! What is a boat? Am I good with a boat? No sirree, I'm not. What's this whole navigating by the stars thing, isn't the sun a star? Hold on, here's a vessel I just made. Let's do that scene in Titanic, it'll make the boat go faster!

Let us go wherever the wind goes!

So... Nautical navigation. It's the backbone of international commerce today. Planes do work, but they can't really transport as much as a big freighter can. It may take a tiny bit longer, but it's much better for transporting stuff in bulk. Again, let's go back in history (I promise I won't dwell on it for too long) and see how did we, as a species, become buoyant.

Some evidence points to the first watercraft being used by our predecessors, the Homo Erectus, more than a million years ago. Mainly for crossing straits and what-not. However, the oldest boat that's been recovered dates back to like... 8200-7600 BC, give or take. Okay, it's actually a canoe, but it's still meant for water! It's one of those primitive canoes, made by hollowing out a tree trunk. Other popular nautical rides during this time in history include reed boats, rafts, and desperately doggy paddling to shore while holding onto a piece of driftwood. Fast-forwarding, we can see the honorable mentions: The vikingrs, with their long, serpent-like boats, perfect for scuttling waves and transporting murderous beardos all across Europe's shores, and some unspecified people over in Oceania, trading spices and culture (Give me a break, it's hard to remember every historical tidbit!). Of course, it didn't take long for some bloke to strap a weapon of some kind to the hull of his ship, and that's how we ended up with greek fire, harpoons, cannons, sea mines, fire rafts, and a menagerie of turrets with the sole express purpose of looking cool, turning around 360 degrees, and shooting other boats with equally cool-looking turrets. And this is where we shift back to probably the best thing the ocean has ever given us: pirates! Nothing quite like scurvy on the seven seas! The golden age of piracy is an odd mark in this world's history, where people privileged enough to afford a ship just spontaneously decided to abandon their countries, form their own nation of pirates, and plunder most, if not all merchant and/or military ships you stumble upon. It was pretty chaotic, but it was also kind of a good idea! Well, if you consider becoming a criminal and risk being hanged a good idea. Pirate crews, as opposed to their colonial power equivalent, weren't paid in wages. Instead, they all had a share in the ship's profit. It was a unique business model, where the customers didn't wish to be serviced, but they ended up being serviced anyway, where all men were equal and had a say in their work conditions, and where everyone could get filthy rich off the backs of the pen-pushers! However, all good things come to an end. Now, the most piracy we see is either on the Internet (because goddamnit, if they won't re-release legacy games on new systems I'll just use an emulator!) or in places like Somalia. There's no yarr-harring over there, though...

As for how naval amplitudes shape up for us in recent-ish times, the world's superpowers have enacted an unlikely marriage between aviation and boating through the creation of the aircraft carrier. Basically, it's a moving runway for planes. On the sea. Did I mention it's moving? Tough luck landing on one of these properly. Also, submarines! Why be on the water when you can be under the water? The pro is that due to the pressure, your soda can won't explode when you shake it. The con is that the toilet sucks. Worthwhile trade-off, in my opinion! Let's see... the Suez canal, basically a sea highway that facilitates a huge amount of international trade, was blocked last year by a cargo ship. Congratulations, Ever Given! 

Mhm... yep, that's all I gotta say about boats. And ships. And basically whatever floats your boat. I'd say something about there being too many idioms related to nautical travel, but I think I'll let the sails loose for now. Later!

Heave... Ho... Dis... cord...

 

~Asph